Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
