This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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