Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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