Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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