I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
