margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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