It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
