3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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