Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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