You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
