the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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