Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
