just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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