They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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