It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
