we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
