This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
