He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
