I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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