The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
