I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
