he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
