I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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