Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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