Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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