So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
