Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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