One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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