You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
