She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
