Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
