I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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