I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
