these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
