fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
