We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
