I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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