She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
