Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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