the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
