we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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