We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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