I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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