Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
