i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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