i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
