So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
