Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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