she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
