It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
