saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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