Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
