I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
