Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
