Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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